If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
