I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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