her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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