we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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