We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
3 2 1 whiskey
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
