I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
