The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
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