I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I feel great
I just peed on a car
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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