im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
