the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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