Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
