meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
