im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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