Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Screwed.edu
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
