3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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