Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
