Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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