if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
