I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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