Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Ladies don't puke and tell
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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