I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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