I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
