well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
