it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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