you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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