Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Actions speak louder than pants.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
