Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
