friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
MIDGETS
????
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
