im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
