Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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