3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
At least make sure they are 18
Why
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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