Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
its not stalking. its research.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
