she looked like the bat from fern gully.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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