I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
