Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
