I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
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