how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
