you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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