i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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