He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
