If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
