My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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