Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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