I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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