to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I will be naked everywhere
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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