You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
