Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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