Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
