Pants 0. Shit 1.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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