I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
