kristin has been a bad kristin
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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