Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
