But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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