Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
