if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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