So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
