I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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