I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
